Tag Archives: United State

Another little snippet

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Their response was more than I expected. Every person in the room applauding, cheering for me. Even the stranger in the corner claps his hands, a glint of a smile on his face. My uncle remains silent, glaring at me with as much anger he can muster. His face reddens with the strain to keep control. I step down from the platform. Those who knew my parents well are the first to shake my hand and congratulate me. My mind is elsewhere, far from here. The only thing I want now is to deal with my uncle.

Voices fill the room with conversation and discussion. My uncle Cerny seated with the council, they are whispering back and forth as I approach. I address the council calmly, ignoring my uncle’s presence.

“May I have a moment of the councils time?”

Edger price, the oldest member of the council is the one to speak.   “Of cores child. Please approach.”

“Thank you. I wanted to inform you that I will be willing to do my demonstration at any time you wish. I am honored to be the first woman to lead Helix. To be the one to turn Helix around, bring us back to where we belong. I believe we have a lot to discuss. But that is for another day. I will be available tomorrow morning to make plans.”

The council converses for a short time, whispering back and forth. My uncle never takes his eyes of me.

 

I know it isn’t much more then yesterday. It’s hard to write with three kids running around and beating each other up. lol

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First draft “Taking over Helix”

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In this snippet Sora my heroine is swearing her oath to Helix. Taking her place as leader Sora has to accept this position from her murderous uncle Cerny. This piece is a little rough,  a first draft. I spent a lot of time making a brand new first chapter to replace the all tell and no show first chapter I did have. After that of course I needed to redo the rest I had already written. Yes my grammar is a little off, but there is a real gem underneath the rough rock surrounding my book.

“Ma’am, it’s time. Everyone is assembled and awaiting your arrival.”

Jessie and I walk toward the meeting hall. It tickles when she suddenly grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. I have bin waiting for this moment for a long time, but that doesn’t make me any less nervous. I take a deep breath hoping to calm my nerves.

“Are you ready ma’am?” The guard is waiting for my response.

“You will do just fine Sora. If you get to nervous just look at me, and remember why you are hear.” Jessie will always be my rock. She knows just what to say.

“It wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t wearing this dress. I would be more comfortable in my own clothes.” Tradition is tradition though, and it’s time for me to go in.

“Okay, open the doors.”

I take one last deep breath, hoping I don’t look as nervous as I feel.  Walking through the crowd, down the path made for me, every person in the room is staring. I feel as if they all know something I don’t and they’re waiting for me to figure it out. I smile, nod and wave as I go to take my place in front of the council.

My uncle walks up to stand in front of me. He holds out the Helix rule book created by our first leader. Placing my hand on the cover I can feel every little crack and crevice in the old leather.

“Sora do you swear to follow and uphold our rules set forth by your ancestors? To unselfishly put the lives of your people before your own, until you have drawn your last breath. To rule your people with kindness, understanding, and strength till you can no longer do so.”

I can almost see the wheels spinning in his head, as he struggles to keep a strait face. His face twitching, I am the only one close enough to see.

“I swear it.” And I actually mean it, unlike you.

He steps forward to address the crowd. “It is my pleasure to finally see my niece take her place as head of Helix. I was blessed to watch her grow into the strong young woman that stands before you today. I know if her parents could have been here, they would be proud of her. I only hope that my being here by her side is comforting. I think I’ll stop now before I start sounding like a blubbering old fool. Sora.”

I just want to scream at him and tell them all what a liar he is. Its a struggle to keep my composure as I step up to speak.

“Thank you, uncle Cerny.” I freeze as I look at all the faces out there. That’s when I notice in the shadows of the corner of the room, a man. I can’t quite make out his face. I wonder if he is one of my uncle’s men, I cant tell from here.

“Sorry. I have looked forward to this moment for a long time. My father meant everything to me as I know he did to many of you. He was a good wise man and strong leader. He was always willing to help those in need, Be them mutant or human. I wont to be that to all of you. Not only your leader but your friend. I want you to feel comfortable coming to me, no mater what your concerns may be. I can only hope I do my father’s memory proud, that I do all of you proud. Helix has always been important to me, every member like family. Especially after my father’s death when many of you were there for me and my mother, and for me after her passing.”   I fight back tears, but have to wipe my eyes. Those who knew my parents well, bow their heads in sorrow.

“We must stand together now, not as mutants, not as members of Helix, but as family. We are the future of this world, and together I believe we can save it from destruction once again. We have less then a year until the prophesied war. I know there are some who are skeptical and unsure of my ability to lead. I know this may be in part because I am the first woman to lead in the history of Helix, and I have not trained with any of you. I would like to give a demonstration, at the council’s convenience of course. Allow me the chance to show you I am strong enough, that I’m ready to lead our people into the new world and into battle.”

Their response was more than I expected. Every person in the room applauding, cheering for me. Even the stranger in the corner claps his hands, a glint of a smile on his face. My uncle remains silent, glaring at me with as much anger he can muster. His face reddens with the strain to keep control. I step down from the platform. Those who knew my parents well are the first to shake my hand and congratulate me. My mind is elsewhere, far from here. The only thing I want now is to deal with my uncle.

Rewrite of prologue for Helix

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As a new writer I value the input of other writers new and experienced, readers as well. This is the rewrite for my prologue, I am very proud of it. Thank you for taking the time to read my work!

“Mr. President, can I have a moment of your time?” Mrs. Pickett knows he wont listen, but she has to try one last time.

“Yes, of course. Give me five minutes gentlemen,” the president says to those near him. “I will meat you in my office.”

The President is very busy these days. Planing a war, making sure as many people as passable are safe deep under the earth’s surface, all while keeping the peace would take a lot out of any man. He would have little time for his family if they where still home, he barley eats any more, five minutes is a lot to ask of him.

Grace, this isn’t the best time, the Secretary of Defense is waiting in my office. You are supposed to be in the Washington colony bye now.”

“I know, that’s why we are here, this office has bin empty for months. I had to come and say good bye, I had to…..”

Tears are starting to well in her eyes, her words stop short. He takes a handkerchief from his breast pocket dabbing at the tears gently.

“I know, I’m going to miss you too. I can’t go with you, no matter how many times you ask. My place is here. Our country needs me. I love you grace, but I can’t go.”

Fighting back tears of his own, trying to be strong for her sake, he holds her close and kisses her tenderly. They melt into each other, unwilling to let go, wanting this moment to last for ever.

“If you stay you could die, I don’t wont to live in a world without you. If we don’t win the war, I’ll never see you again. I’ll stay here with you. I’ll die, I don’t care as long as we are together!” She realizes she has raised her voice to much. Regaining her composure, she takes a deep breath.

“Don’t worry about me, Grace, I’ll be fine. We will win the war, and then we can be together again. Just give us some time.”

He lies to her knowing The united stats is out matched. He will go down fighting. “If that’s true, why can’t I stay with you?” She knows her makeup is running, she can’t hold the tears back any longer.

“Grace look at me.” He grabs her chin, gently turning her head to face him. “You know I love you, that is why you can’t stay. Put my mind at ease Grace and get into the Washington colony before the doors close. With you there safe I can concentrate on my job, and when it is all over you can come back to me.”

“I will go my love, just know I leave my hart with you.”

They kiss, a long and passionate kiss, reluctant to let go of one another. He gives her his monogrammed handkerchief to whip the tears from her eyes.

“Hold onto it Grace, you can give it back when I see you again.”

Kissing him one more time, she straitens her jacket, smooths her hair,  goes to the door. She stops for just a moment with her hand on the nob, but she knows she has to go. If she hesitates any longer, she will stay. She needs to make it to the colony in time.   He stands in the hallway watching her leave, his hart pulling at him to fallow her. He knows he will never see her again, or his wife and kids, but it is his duty to stay and fight, to die like a true soldier.

*        *       *       *       *       *      *

Jim, I miss the kids.” she is crying, it seems like she is always crying.

“I know Nora, I do to. But they’re safe with your sister in the colony, we are lucky they got in.”

Jim holds her as they watch the news. They always watch the news about the war. Some call it World War III.

“Things are worse Jim, I’m afraid we wont see them again.”

“Maybe not, but it is better for them with Grace. With her we know they will live and have families of there own. If they had stayed with us,  they wouldn’t be safe.”

“I know, I herd what the President said. What if he is wrong, what happens then?”

she starts to sob quietly, without control. She wants  her babies home, her life back the way it was before the war, her family hole.

“Then they come home and we can be a family again. You should be happier Nora, they are safe, if the President is right our children live.”

“And if we die Jim, how is that fare? We won’t be there for them, watch them grow.”

“Its not fair, Nora. There wasn’t room for us, we are lucky they let your sister take the kids.”

Nora stands and walks to the window, rubbing her locket between her fingers. She opens it to look at the photo of her children. Closing her eyes she can see her daughter dancing and singing into a brush in her room upstairs, her son playing baseball with his father in the back yard.

On the TV a man says, “The President gave no comment today when asked about a possible nuclear retaliation after….”

Jim shuts the TV off. The ground and walls start to quiver, then shake violently.

“Jim, you have to come see this. There’s bin an explosion.”

Jim never made it to his wife’s side. He didn’t see the smoke rise high into the air in the shape of a massive mushroom. Never saw the gray smoke and fire glowing red, orange, and yellow. He didn’t see buildings falling as the shock wave hit them, ruble flying as fires ignited. Jim can hear screams all around him, he can hear Nora only feet away, loudest of all are his own screams before everything gets quiet, dark, and goes blank.

Jim and Nora are the lucky one’s, it was over quickly for them. People further away survive long enough to know what’s happened. Further still, they live to feel their insides die. To get violently sick, maybe grow tumors, their skin pealing off burned and charred. But still they die.   The unlucky live for some time, their bodies change horribly before dying. A few do live, the ones in extremely remote arias. What is to become of them is hard to tell. Radiation seeps deep into the ground, nuclear winter consumes the planet, the earths future bleak and uncertain.

Prologue part 2

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So I thought I would Post the second part of my prologue. the first is in my post from yesterday : Information overload/ Nuclear war

I am very happy with my first draft prologue, it is also the first prologue I have written. I hope you all enjoy it!

Prologue part 2

“Jim, I miss the kids.” she is crying, it seems like she is always crying.

“I know Nora, I do to. The kids are safe with your sister in the colony, we are lucky they got in.” Jim holds her as they watch the news. They always watch the news about the war, its being called by some World War III.

“Things are getting worse Jim, I’m afraid we wont see them again.”

“We may not, but it is better for them with you’re sister. With her at least we know they will live and have families of there own. If they had stayed with us, If they where here now they wouldn’t be safe.”

“I know, I herd what the President said. What if he is wrong, what then?” she starts to sob without control, all she wants are her babies home, her life back the way it was before the war.

“Then they come home and we can be a family again. You should be happier Nora, they are safe, if the President is right our children live.”

“And we die Jim, how is that fare. We don’t get to be there for them, watch them grow, how can that be fare to them or us?”

“Its not Nora, it just is. There wasn’t room for us, we are lucky they let your sister take the kids.”

Nora stands and walks to the window, rubbing her locket between her fingers, opens it to look at the photo of her kids inside.

On the TV. “The President gave no comment today when asked about possible nuclear retaliation.” Jim shuts the TV off.

The ground and walls start to quiver, then shake violently. “Jim, you have to come see this. I think there’s bin an explosion.”

Jim never made it to his wife’s side, Didn’t see the smoke rise high into the air as a massive mushroom shaped cloud after the impact, gray smoke and fire glowing red, orange, and yellow. He didn’t see buildings falling as the shock wave headed toward them, ruble go flying as fires ignited. Jim can hear screams all around him, he can hear Nora only feet from him and loudest of all are his own screams before everything gets quiet, and dark, just go’s blank.

Jim and Nora are the lucky one’s, it was over quick for them. More people further away survive long enough to know what happened to them. Further still they live to feel their insides die, get violently sick, maybe grow tumors, but still die. The unlucky live, They have long term affects but with no one to care for them they die as well sooner or later.

Information overload/ Nuclear war

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"The things we are willing to do to each other, the pain we can inflict."

"The things we are willing to do to each other, the pain we can inflict." Nuclear warfare.

So today I have bin working on my prologue. At first I wasn’t going to do one, but one of the people critiquing my work thought it would be good to fallow a couple through a nuclear explosion, or something having to do with the war that started the 1000 year stay underground. I have chosen to do two parts, which I will post at the end of this post.

Needing to describe how the explosion looks, what happens to the surrounding aria and the people in it. Now I have video overload. I know there is a lot of information out, in may forms but holy cow. Type in just a few words and your smacked in the face with a tone of videos and documents. To see the charred bodies in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the buildings completely leveled, and the pain of the survivors was hart wrenching.  I watched a video with a man that survived, they had to peal card skin off his back, one of his arms the skin was hanging off, he spent 18 months in the hospital. I watched another video with a son clinging to his father, the both of them dead, their bodies looked mummified.

The thing is there are videos and article about how we are heading for world war III, only with more devastating outcomes.  Are we as a race on the fast track to destruction? Could part of my fiction become reality? What do all of you think? How do you feel about the state of our country? Do you believe we are bound for WWIII, or is it a lot of scared end of the world scenario creeping into the mind of otherwise sane people?

That being said I would love feedback on my prologue, its long so I am only posting the first half. this half isn’t as good as the second half, but I cant give it all away at once can I.

 Helix War of 3031

prologue

Mr. President, can I have a moment of your time?” 
Mrs. Pickett knows he wont listen, but she has to 
try one more time.Yes, of course. Give me five minutes.” The 
President is very busy these days. Planing a war,
making shore as many people as passable are safe 
deep under the earth's surface, all while still 
keeping the peace would take a lot out of any man. 
He would have little time for his family if they 
where still home, he barley eats any more, five 
minutes is a lot to ask of him. Grace, this isn't the best time, the Secretary 
of Defense is waiting in my office.”I know, that’s why we are here, this office has 
bin empty for months. I had to come and say good 
bye.” Tears are starting to swell in her eyes. 
He takes a handkerchief from his breast pocket 
dabbing at the tears gently, making shore to not 
mess her makeup.I know, I'm going to miss you too. I can't go 
with you, no matter how many times you ask my 
place is here. Our country needs me, I can't 
just run away from my responsibilities.” 
Fighting back tears of his own, trying to be 
strong for her sake, he holds her close and 
kisses her tenderly.If you stay you could die, I don't wont to 
live in a world without you. If we don't win 
the war I'll never see you again. I'll stay 
here with you, I'll die, I don't care as long 
as I'm with you!” She realizes she has raised 
her voice to much, regaining her composure 
she takes a deep breath. Don't worry about me Grace, I'll be fine. We 
will win the war, and then we can be together 
again. Just give us some time.” He has to lie, 
if he doesn't she will stay and die with him. 
The united stats is out matched, but he is 
going down fighting.If that's true, why can't I stay with you?” 
Her makeup is running now, she can't hold the 
tears back any longer.Grace look at me, you know I love you, and 
that is why you have to go. Put my mind at 
ease and get into the Washington colony. 
With you there safe I can do my job, and 
when it is all over you can come back to me.”I will go my love, just know I leave my hart 
with you.” They kiss, a long and passionate 
kiss reluctant to let go of one another. He 
gives her his monogrammed handkerchief to whip
the tears from her eyes.Hold onto it Grace, you can give it back when
I see you again.”
Kissing him one more time, straitening her 
jacket and smoothing her hair she go's to the
 door. She stops for just a moment with her 
hand on the doorknob, but she knows she has 
to go,if she terns around she will stay, she 
needs to make it to the colony 
before the doors close.
He stands in the hallway watching her leave,
his hart pulling at him to fallow her. He 
knows he will never see her again, or his 
wife and kids, but it is his duty to stay 
and fight with the others, and die like a 
true soldier.