Tag Archives: Helix

Wow! Where did that come from?


I found it, it just hit me out of the blue? I was starting a post yesterday, a letter to a friend I lost a few months ago. Though we had not spoken for a long time, he had mad a large impact in my life, him and his wife. I even dated his step son, I care for them all deeply, but that’s how I am. My circle may not seem that big, but those in it mean a lot to me, I connect deeply with those of like minded souls. Not complaining simply stating, this is mainly do to how I grew up, my life was not good plainly put. Before my friend Willie passed my sister and I started writing a children’s book based on this wonderful man, Willie The Wood Gnome (his nickname). We are still working on it, and it will still be dedicated to him, just in his memory now.

I did not get to go to his funeral, I did not get to say goodbye. Even now my eyes fill with tears to know I will never get to see him again. As I was writing the post, a letter to Willie like my last goodbye I didn’t get, inspiration took hold of me like it hasn’t for some time now.  Not only did I do some rewriting for Willie The Wood Gnome and send it off to my sister, but I did a lot of writing for Helix as well.

I had been vary unhappy with my new first chapter (I had scraped all but my prologue), but I wasn’t happy with where it was going, it was all off somehow and it got me stuck. Last night after working on that post, that I haven’t finished, it hit me, a hole new start. It was bugging me before I went to bed, poking the back of my brain saying “Write, you know you want to. I’m here now, let me out.” Funny how our creations can be so forceful, but my body needed sleep, it was late already. I knew none of it would leave me, sometimes if I don’t write it down at that moment it comes to me its lost, but not this. I am now half threw a new first chapter, its almost perfect in my eyes, witch is rare for me. I tend to be overly critical of my own work.

So I feel like I have to say thank you Willie. Thank you for being my friend, for advice and all the good times we had, thank you for bringing my inspiration back to me. I will miss you dearly my friend.  :-*(


I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my writing


I can’t possibly tell you why, but I seem to have a bad habit of making things harder for my self. Hence I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my writing. For example I have read more times then I can count in writing post and blogs and articles on writing, one of the worst mistakes a writer can make is to go back and reread what they have written before they finish their first draft. I can’t seem to stop my self, I can’t just sit and write and write until its all done. So I have realized I have caused my self to get stuck and start over on my novels again and agin. However what can I do about it, other than do my best not to go back and read. I feel like I have to go back and make sure I am on track and I haven’t made some huge mistake. Is there any other writers that have had this problem? I could use some ideas, I am so tiered of getting stuck. I even scraped all but my prologue for Helix and started over, completely changed some important parts Of Celestria so that now the story is completely different then when I started. I know this must be common, I can’t possibly be the only one who has had these problems when working on their first few WIPs. I don’t want to sound like I am complaining, I just know a more experienced writer may know how to get past this type of block.

Happy writing to all 🙂

My computor is calling


For some time now I have been working on a second novel, Celestria A New Home, while I put Helix on Ice. I had gotten frustrated with Helix, so I felt taking a break and working on something else would help. I must be right because the past few days I have had a hard time with Celestria, then this morning I could feel Helix calling me. “Come work on me again.” it said, and the drive to do so is there. I got on to write and found I had some files to sort through first. I had lost some of my work do to my last laptop dying, but I think I found all I need to start again. So today will be a good day to write. This post may be short, but I am off the answer the call of my computer.

Life throws curve balls


well here I am, back where I started, but with a new computer. Many of you don’t know this but my husband and I had moved out of his parents house with our children and into my sisters to try and help her keep the house her and her husband had gotten before they split up. He had the house for a few months before she took it back and asked us for help. Well when we went to make the first payment after moving in the bank told us it was too late. Turns out he hadn’t made any payments so they where starting foreclosure on the house. long story short, I lost a free tattoo apprenticeship in a good shop, and we are now back at my husband’s parents house. In any case at least I am writing again. I have however put my novel Helix on the back burner, I want to get better at writing before I work on it any more. So at the moment I am working on Celestria A New Home. Its been so long sense my last post I thought I’d put my fist chapter on here. I could use some advice, if any are willing. Glade to be writing again either way, but I don’t feel like this novel is off to as good a start as Helix.


A New World (First Person)

Chapter one: Fleeing The City

A city named sanctuary stands alone in a nearly empty landscape, towering high into the sky, just a shadow against the setting sun. Far below the hustle and bustle of late evening hours my companions and I move silently along the dark streets of the city’s underbelly. We made our way through these empty streets to the interior side of the wall that surrounds the city. The wall rapping all around the city standing hundreds of feet tall, the only barrier between the people of this city and the dangers of the outside world, and here I was about to cross it into a dangerous unknown land.

We came to a small service door little know, even to the guards that patrol the giant wall. Jerade was risking his life to help us escape my fate in this city of ruined human life. I won’t miss it; I have often felt alone in my life here. I can’t explain why but I have a sense of honor and duty that no longer existence in this life, except for in a few. Now thanks to my act now think later mindset I am fleeing the only home I have ever known.

Jerade opened the slender door and spoke in a crackling whisper. “This path will take you straight to the outside of the wall. It comes out to a recess in the wall; you will be able to hide there until night fully falls. Wait for the night guard’s first round passes you.”

I looked at my grandmother, who refused to stay behind, she moves slower than I do.  I asked Jerade, “What of the guards at the top of the wall, won’t they see us?”

“No. They are watching for much bigger creatures then you, you won’t be noticed.” He laughed a little, so did I. Perhaps for the same reason, it seemed too easy. “I can not keep them off your trail forever, but I will draw out the hunt for you inside the city as long as possible.”

“Thank you my friend.” I said as I gave him a purse full of all the coin I had in the world. I wouldn’t need it where I was going, I didn’t even think I would live long once I left the safety of the wall. How wrong I was.

We smiled at each other; no more words were needed with one of my oldest friends, we both knew I would never return. I passed through the door into the dark passage. I heard the door shut behind me, and I waited to hear my grandmother’s footsteps.

“Celestria I can’t see a thing.” She groaned. She always hated the dark.

“I’m here grandma. Walk to me and put your hand on my shoulder, I’ll feel our way through. Jerade said it was straight through to the other side, we will get out no problem.” I said trying to comfort her.

Her hand was shaking as she put it on my shoulder; I told her she would be better off staying behind, but she had to have her way. It pains me though; somehow I knew she was going to die out there. I think she knew that too. I didn’t know it then but she was ready to except death. I was not so happy with the idea, But I could never tell that woman “no”.

We reached the outside world, and I heard my grandmother utter a little prayer under her breath. The little recess in the wall was just as Jerade described, it seemed almost hidden to a glancing eye. We checked our packs as we waited for the sun to fully set.

The guards made their round shortly after nightfall; they passed quickly out of sight in the shadows and around the gentle curve of the wall. I waited until the faint hum of there engine faded on the night air.

“The guards have passed its safe for us to go now. Stay close to me; we don’t exactly know what dangers are out here.” I whispered giving her a bright and hopefully reassuring smile.

We walked straight out into the open desert land, the sand rising and falling in soft rolling hills. The lonely and broken moon hung low in its slow ascent into the sky, its jagged crescent shape and floating fragments giving off a soft glow of light. As we walked the stars slowly came out, shining in all their luminescent glory.

It felt almost magical being outside of the wall for the first time. With the open sky above me and the never ending land stretching out in front of me, speckled here and there with large rocks, I felt alive like never before. In the far off distance I could just make out the mountain range peeking up from the landscape, just slightly darker then the sky. I decided to head for this mountain before I even told my grandmother I had to flee the city.

I spent many nights sitting alone on our roof staring out at the mountain, wondering what mysteries it held, feeling some invisible force pulling me to it. My obsession with it started when I was very young. My grandmother and I had been sitting on our roof watching the stars one night when we saw a star fall from the sky in a blaze of light. It raced to the ground with incredible speed landing somewhere in that mountain. It was the first and last time I had seen such a site.

We walked at a steady pace all night; the mountain looked as if it was growing right out of the ground before our eyes, reaching ever higher the closer we got. Before it was this small far off place that never changed from my view, and now it towered before me in all its glory, a shadow with the rising sun shining behind its peaks. The majesty of it made my hart skip a beat, who was the last person to see the brilliance of this site, to roam these lands?

As I stood there taking in the full grandeur of this moment I felt a twinge at the back of my neck, a clawing serge of danger. My instincts never failed to warn me.  I turned around abruptly, making my grandmother stop in her tracks, I was sure my face said it all for her as she glanced over her shoulder and ran to my side. They were coming fast in a cloud of dust rolling into the air, the government soldiers.

“I knew it would only be a matter of time.” I said under my breath with a little growl, half to my self.

“You knew they would come after you, even outside the wall?” my grandmother asked as she pulled out her double short swords.

“I had a good idea they would. They need all the soldiers they can get, and I ran from them when they had seen me, plain as that. I think they suspected and set me up.” I told her as I looked around for another way.

I looked up to the mountain and closed my eyes, I waited for that pulling force I had felt from this place to guide my path. It came to me, like something  speaking to my soul, “Fallow, this way.” I looked at my grandmother ready to fight, and wondered if it was right to run. I have never ignored my feelings, and I wasn’t going to start.

“Grandma, fallow me.” I didn’t give her time to reply, I started running to the right and down the length of the mountain.

She caught up to me, and spoke in pants as she struggled to keep up. “Celestria … what are you … doing? You can’t possibly … have any idea where … you are going.”

“I don’t.” that’s all I said, and kept running.

The feeling called, stop.

    I stopped abruptly, and my grandmother ran into me, almost nocking me off my feet. She had been looking back toward our pursuers, they were catching up to use with alarming speed. I looked at them, then my grandmother, and then the rock wall of the mountain. My path was not clear, but I was certain time was short. I stood stairing at the stone surface intently, deep in thought.

“Do not dwell on it longer child.” My grandmother said calmly. She put a hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes. “Go, keep running into the mountain. I will stay and bye you time.”

“I won’t…” I started to protest but she cut me off.

“You will. You may not want to hear this, but my life has come to its end. This is why I came, to save you if I could, to die a worrier’s death. I don’t want to waste away, a shell of myself in a dying city upon a withering planet. You must be able to except that. You are young, and have a chance to live, no matter how thin a chance it may be you must take it.” She looked at me lovingly, her eyes looked so peaceful.

“As you wish.” Was all I could manage to get out. I felt like someone was squeezing my heart, she was the only true family I had left.

“I love you, my moon and stars.” She hugged me, and I breathed her in deeply. I wanted so much to remember this strong side of her.

“I love you.” I said as I ran to the rock in front of me.

I walked slowly, running my hand along the rough surface until suddenly it dropped away. I looked at the stone, confused I put my hand against the wall a few inches back. I watched as I ran my hand along, and though it looked like there was solid rock there again my hand found that it ended. I inspected it closer and found a narrow path cut through the rock gently sloping up the mountain, and it was completely hidden to the eye. The opening was too small for me to walk through facing forward; I turned my body and tried to force myself and my pack through the slender opening.

My grandmother yelled back to me, “Hurry child, they will see you.”

I swung my pack off and dragged it as I started through the path sideways. Facing the path ahead of me it looked as if it would stop short and leave me trapped in the mountain. Behind me I could hear the start of a one sided fight. My grandmothers battle cry rang through the mountain and the sounds of metal clashing against metal reverberated of the paths walls. The noise was almost more than my ears could take.

The stone scraped and tore at my exposed flesh and clothing as I slowly made my way up the path. As I reached what looked to be the end of the path I found it wound up the mountain gently, and there the path widened. I sat down where it started to widen, my eyes felt heavy and my body aced. The sounds of battle still echoed off the mountain’s peaks, but slowly they were dying down. As hard as I tried I could not stop the flow of tears as the last person I had left passed out of this life.

I stayed there and cried until I had no tears left to shed. I curled up and gave into sleep, a deep dreamless sleep.

Writing a novel : My improvement on Helix


Its been almost a year since I started working on my novel. I don’t have much to show for it, at least on paper, but my mind has expanded. I feel my prologue is done, there may be a little mistake here or there, but its done. The emotions, the imagery, I’m very happy with them. I have been using what I have learned to go over  and over my prologue and first two chapters, applying it as I learn it. I still struggle with fight sequences but its a new area for me.

If you want to reed the other drafts, see the improvement in the writing you can check out these links to my other posts about my novel Helix. I found looking at before and after writing can help in your own, the differences in imagery, character development, so on.



Her is a post I did with some helpful sites for beginning writers.


So now my new draft for Helix – Prologue

Prologue : The world as we know it comes to an end

Mr. President, may I have a moment of your time?” Mrs. Pickett knows he won’t listen, but grace insists on trying one last time.

Yes, of course. Give me five minutes gentlemen,” the president says to his advisers. “I will meet you in my office.”

The president is very busy these days. Planning a war, making sure as many people as possible are safe in the colonies deep under the earth’s surface. Keeping the peace in a panicked country. His life would take a tole on any man. Mountains of paperwork over run his desk. His food often left uneaten. He would have no time for his family if they were still home, thankful they are safe even if he can’t be with them. Five minutes is a lot to ask of a man in his position.

Mrs. Pickett leads him to an unused office not far from his own.

“It’s Grace. She wouldn’t leave without seeing you.” Mrs. Pickett gave the president a sympathetic smile. She knew how hard of this had to be for him and he didn’t seem pleased.

He opened the door to the cramped office. There she was leaning against the desk, picking at her nails. A nervous habit she had since she was a child. He stood motionless just taking in her beauty. Wearing his favorite color on her, a deep red pant suit accented with black piping. He cleared his throat before speaking, startling her.

“Grace, this isn’t the best time. The Secretary of defense is waiting in my office.”

“I know, that’s why we are here. This office has been empty for months. No one will find us here.”

“Why aren’t you in the Washington colony?” Speaking with authority in his voice.

“I had to come and say good bye, I had to……” Tears welling up in her eyes, her words stop short.

He pulls a handkerchief from his breast pocket, dabbing at the tears tenderly.

In a low soothing voice he tries to comfort her. “I know, I’m going to miss you too. I just can’t go with you, no matter how many times you beg me. My place is here. Our country needs me, we are teetering on the edge of an abyss. I love you with all my hart Grace, but I can’t leave this place. You will be safe in the colony, you will stay in my thoughts and my hart.”

Fighting back tears of his own, trying to be strong for her sake. Holding her close, he presses his lips to hers tenderly. She melts into his arms, both unwilling to let go, wanting this moment to last forever. He can’t help but think of his wife in this fleeting moment, their goodbye wasn’t this sweet and painful even though he loved her once, long ago.

Grace looks at him with deep sorrow in her eyes, she knows whats ahead. With a tear stricken voice she says “If you stay you could die. I don’t want to live in a world without you. I know we may not win the war … I’ll stay here with you. I’ll die, I don’t care as long as we are together.” Desperately she tried to rationalize giving up her life.

Her words ringing in her ears, she realizes she has raised her voice too much. No one is supposed to know she is here. She breaths in slowly, deeply, trying to regain her composer.

“Don’t worry about me Grace, I’ll be fin. We will win the war, and then we can be together again. Just give us some time.”

He lies to her knowing the United States is out matched. Trying to lie to himself, convince himself its true. He will go down fighting, he’s no coward, he’s a leader, a soldier.

“If that’s true why can’t I stay with you?”

Her tears begin to flow black, she can feel them slowly creeping down her face. She doesn’t reach to wipe them. Shunning away from him she doesn’t want to appear week in front of him. That would be worse then dying.

“Grace look at me.” He speaks softly.

He grabs her chin,gently turning her head to face him. Etiquette is not important when the two of them are alone. He can truly be himself with her.

“You know I love you, that is why you can’t stay. Put my mind at ease Grace and get to the Washington colony before the doors close. Time is running out. With you there safe I can concentrate on the task at hand, and when it is all over you can come back to me.”

“I will go my love, just know I leave my heart with you.”

They press into each other, arms locked tight, reluctant to let go. The moment can’t last. He gives her his monogrammed handkerchief to whip the tears from her face. Staring at him, hands shaking she reaches to give it back.

“Hold onto it Grace, you can give it back when I see you again.” A small bitter-sweet smile pierces his lips.

She looks at it for a moment, unable to raise her eyes to meet his. With one finger he lifts her gaze, locking his lips to her’s one more time forceful and wanting, savoring their last kiss. Knowing it’s time they release each other. She pulls down on her jacket, runs her fingers through her hair, and pulls out her little compact and wipes the black smudges from her face. He smooths a stray hair away from her face. She looks at him with eyes full of sorrow and fear, fear for him, for the world. She brushes his cheek with her hand,letting it rest there for just a moment before woefully walking to the door. She pauses for just a moment with her hand on the door knob, but doesn’t look back. She can’t, she knows she has to go. If she hesitates any longer she will stay, no matter how she feels she knows it would be a mistake. She must make it to the colony before it closes; her sister’s family is waiting.

He stands in the hallway watching her leave, his heart pulling at him to fallow. He will never see her again, or his wife and kids, but it’s his duty to stay and fight, to die like a true soldier. walking back to his office he knows it will all be over soon.

*              *              *              *              *              *              *              *              *              *              *              *               *

“Jim, I miss the kids.” Nora said weeping. It seems to Jim like Nora’s crying is never ending these days.

“I know Nora, I do to. But they’re safe with your sister in the colony, we are lucky they got in with her. If it wasn’t for all your sister’s connections they wouldn’t have.”

Jim holds her as they watch the news. Their new routine, watch news about the war as they hold each other, there isn’t much else to do any more but wait. Some call it world war III and all they can do is sit and watch for the end of the world. All factories and businesses have closed, every person left above ground with their loved ones simply waiting and praying the end won’t come.

“Things are worse Jim, I’m afraid we won’t see them again.”

“Maybe not, but it is better for them with Grace. With her we know they will live and have families of their own. If they had stayed with us they wouldn’t be safe. As their parents we had to make the hard choice, make them grow up without us to save their lives.”

“I know. I heard what the President said. What if he is wrong, what happens then? She starts to sob quietly again, without control, covering her face with her hands. She wants her babies home, her life the way it was before the war, her family whole.

“Then they come home and we can be a family again. You should be happier for them Nora, they’re safe. If the President is right our children live!” He didn’t mean to raise his voice, but coming to terms with their fate, their children’s fate has taken a toll on him.

“And if we die Jim, how is that fair? We won’t be there for them, watch them grow. We will never get the chance to meet our grandchildren. We don’t get to grow old together.”

“Its not fair, Nora. There wasn’t room for us, we are lucky they let your sister take the kids. They will have a chance at some kind of a life, and we get to stay with each other till the end.” his voice wavers a little. He has always been a strong man, but fear fills his hart.

Nora stands and walks to the window, rubbing her locket between her fingers. She opens it to look at the photos of her children. Closing her eyes she can see her daughter dancing and singing into a brush in her room upstairs while pop music plays on the radio. Her son practicing baseball with his father in the back yard, covered from head to toe in dirt by the time he comes inside. For just a moment its almost like they never left, so vivid she opens her eyes thinking they will be there. But it’s only wishful thinking. She feels like her mind is slowly slipping away, wishing it would end one way or another. She absently gazes out the window. Looking at this almost still scenery, Washington DC in the background, the grass and trees, even the clouds move sluggishly. The world in slow motion, she thought to herself.

On the TV reporter Thomas Jones says, “The President gave no comment today when asked about a possible nuclear retaliation after today’s failed negotiation…”

Jim shuts the TV off. He stands to walk over and hold Nora as the ground and walls start to quiver, then shake violently.

“Jim you have to come see……”

Jim and Nora where to close to see anything but a blinding white light, taking their sight. They couldn’t see the smoke rise high into the air in the shape of a massive mushroom, dark and looming. Never saw the gray smoke and fire glowing red, orange, and yellow. Couldn’t see buildings falling as the shock waves hit them. Ruble flying as fires ignite. Jim never made it to his wife’s side. He can hear screams all around him, Nora only feet away. Loudest of all are his own screams ringing in his ears before everything gets quiet, dark, and goes blank.

Jim and Nora are the lucky ones, it was over quickly for them. People further away survive long enough to know what’s happened. Further still, they live to feel their insides die. To get violently sick. Even grow tumors. Watch their skin tern gray as the cells die. But still death comes for them.

The unlucky live for some time their bodies changing horribly before dying. A few small pockets do live, the ones in extremely remote areas. What is to become of them is hard to tell. Radiation seeps deep into the ground tainting everything it comes in contact with. A nuclear winter consumes the planet’s atmosphere. The earth’s future bleak and uncertain.

I haven’t gotten on much


I said before I wouldn’t be able to publish much, some things here and there. So now that things are coming down a little I thought I would give you all a link to my contributor page on yahoo. You can look at all the articals I have written lately, short stories, poems ect. Come by and see me 🙂


Starting A Writers Group


When I first decided I was ready to write a book it was suggested to me that I join a locale writers group. At the time I only found one, and it wasn’t for me. I can’t remember what style they wrote in, but it had to be that one, but I don’t write in their style. So I settled for online groups, but it’s not personal. Yes I got some good advice, and took heed of what most told me. However I also got comments that told me I should not post a thing because I wasn’t experienced enough, my work unpolished. Reading comments like that made me think ‘But How am I supposed to learn from this if all you have to say is I need to learn more before posting. How do I improve without critiques?’. So I recently decided to start my own group in my area, and open to writers of all forms. So I posted an ad on Craigslist. As of now including me there are three members. Our first meeting is Sunday June 2nd at Barnes and Noble in Webster, NY 7PM. I am  proud of my self for taking this step, for putting my self out there and starting this group. I don’t have a name for it, I don’t have a set meeting schedule, and we are few in number, but it is started. I have taken another step forward, a step closer to my dreams. Even if my group stays small, if it fails, or we gain more members, no matter what I know I tried my hardest. I can be proud in the fact that I did my best.

I want to invite all writers in my area to join us.

Barnes & Noble in Webster NY

Sunday June 2nd at 7PM

Every writer needs constructive feedback. I chance to learn what areas they are strong and weak in. The opportunity to converse with other writers. Find their voice. become a better writer.

I have read many blogs, books, and posts in online writers groups. But nothing can beat that personal connection. I look forward to my first meeting with great excitement.