Tag Archives: critique

The Rain Keeps Falling – short story 715 words

Standard

I am part of some really grate writing groups on LinkedIn, one of them dose a monthly short story contest, the group is lively with lots of active members.  I haven’t  joined in on one of these monthly contest yet, (mind you its just for fun, and practice our righting, and righting outside our comfort zones.) but I figured it was worth a shot. All the competitions have a different set of parameters, but all are 600-715 words. This one was suspense, it had to start with someone on their day off, and end with them getting news that will change their life.

I have never written suspense before, and none of my other short stories are under 1,000 words, I thinks that’s why this one interested me. So here it is, my entry I didn’t get to enter.

The Rain Keeps Falling

715 words

She leaned against the island in the middle of the kitchen, a fresh cup of coffee in hand, staring out the big bay window, past the dirty glass and out into the gray damp morning. “Of course, it had to rain today. All I wanted to do was pull the weeds, my poor flowers look like they are lost in a jungle.”

Taking a sip from her cup, she nearly drops it as the freshly brewed coffee sears the tip of her tongue. Setting the cup down she slowly scans her home, the thick dust with little paw prints scattered through it, a sink full of coffee cups and spoons, a dead bouquet in a dry vase. “I really have let this place go haven’t I Storm? What am I to do when it’s just you and me?” She says scratching the little gray tiger striped cat under her uplifted chin.

Her cell phone breaks the silence ringing with Ludwig Van Beethoven’s Piano Sonata No. 9. She let it play on for a moment before answering. “Good morning, Stacy Smitten speaking.”

“Good Morning Miss. Smitten. Mr. Cotter wanted more copies printed up for your presentation. You know the one he reassigned to Mike Garfield. Any way I need your password so I can get to the files. It’s right on your desktop right?” Stacy’s young and anxious intern Mandy asked in a slightly wavering voice, always the kiss up hiding behind a blocky pair of red plastic glasses, but full of potential, and Stacy’s favorite.

“You always sound like you think you’re in trouble Mandy, try calming down now and then would you. Yes on the desk top you cannot miss it, and the password, it’s ‘come home soon’, every other letter in caps starting with the first letter. I feel like I haven’t been home in ages, is there anything else?” She said sounding only a little aggravated, after all she had given the girl this information several times before she left the office for her week off.

“Right Miss. Smitten, sorry, I know I um… sorry. If I can ask ma’am… has there been any word yet?” The girl asked, more timidly than usual.

“No, nothing yet, but I know he is out there, he has to be. Thank you for asking Mandy, good bye.” she hung up her cell phone without waiting for the girl to respond. “She meant well at least.”

She took a long deep swallow of her coffee, taking in the quiet morning again. “Nothing like that first cup of coffee in the morning.”

She looked out the cloudy window once again hoping to see the rain clouds broken and the sun shining bright, but beyond the dust-covered glass all she found was a wall of water. “Now what am I to do? Cleaning really doesn’t interest me, there’s no point when no one will be coming over. I’m talking to myself again. Let’s just say I was talking to you stormy, that sounds better.” She says giving the cat a little scratch between the ears.

“Maybe a little T.V. will help fill the quiet. Some day Max will fill that quiet with the pitter-patter of my grandchildren’s feet. He will make such a wonderful father and husband one day.” She said to the loudly purring bundle of fur as she pet her, flipping through the channels with her free hand. Disappointed she shut the T.V. off, and drank some more of her coffee.

A nock on the door made her jump, “Now who is could that possibly be?” She walked to the door slowly and peered out the tiny window, only the top of a soaked army green hat, and a wet pink cheek visible through the small glass pain.

Her heart jumping she says “Max.”

Taking a deep breath, she wipes a single tear from her cheek, and opens the door slowly.

Standing in the pouring rain she sees three somber faced youths, fully dressed in all there army finery, the one in front holding a folded American flag. Her heart drops like a stone to the bottom of her stomach, slowly she sinks to the floor, as she whispers “No”. Her tears flow and everything fades away, but the rain keeps falling as she sits alone.

From one of my favorit blogs : Writing & Creating Magic: When Less is MORE

Standard

Kristen lamb’s blog has been a grate source of advice for me on my journey as a writer, and this post is no exception. Such a awesome post in fact I thought I would share it with all of you as well. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did. 🙂

Writing & Creating Magic: When Less is MORE.

Reach For The Stars My Son

Status

My oldest son is ten, and when school starts up for the new year he will be going into 5th grade. For the first time he got homework over the summer, a work packet, and to read a book of his choice. He had chosen Journey To The Center Of The Earth, I was so proud. It’s a shame he lost it, we think one of his brothers hid it. He chose a new one he devoured in a rather short time for him, The Last Star Fighter. Now I had watched this movie when I was around his age, I didn’t even know they had mad a book based off the movie, so I decided to read the book because I’m helping him do his diorama. A few pages in I realized “Wow, this sucks!”. Now that may sound harsh, but Its not a very well written book. Its an Omnipotent POV, for those of you who may not know this POV let me explain. The Omnipotent POV is a voice that can be anywhere and in anyone’s head, at any given time. I have been told this is the hardest POV to write, I can’t say for sure that’s true as I have never tried it. Even as a child I felt more comfortable writing in first person. I feel the writer had to use this point of view as they where most likely stipulations as far as do’s and don’ts, but what was the point in making the book if they where not going to improve the story. Needles to say I’m disappointed, someone can simply watch the movie and cheat as my oldest son so eloquently pointed out to me. He has a good point, so now he has me thinking could this be rewritten, and how would someone go about doing that?

I have to applaud my son, he is fallowing in his mothers footsteps, only he is better with instruments then me 🙂 He has started writing his own novel, so I told him he could do a better job if he works hard and keeps at it like everything else he dose. Instead of the same old “The sky is the limit” I tell my son “Reach for the stars, and you can go far”. He may not believe he is ready for school, and these more advanced books and homework, but I know he is. He is smart and determined, and after all my son, if he can realize all of that on his own I know he has nothing to worry about. So reach for the stars my son, I know you are going far in life.

Happy writing all 🙂 and look for my Artist of the week post starting back up on Friday.

Wonderful Advice : What MUST You Do With Your Life?

Standard

This advice is grate applied to any passion you may have in live. As I commented, should someone ask me this question I would say “Yes, this is what I must do. I think about writing every day, and feel as though I will go crazy when I can’t.” I hate it when I have days I can’t write at all because I always have some grate idea pop into my head, be it a part for my novel, a little poem or something else, and if I don’t get to write it down I end up loosing it all together. I hate that! Its a good read check it out.

Happy Writing

What MUST You Do With Your Life?.

I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my writing

Status

I can’t possibly tell you why, but I seem to have a bad habit of making things harder for my self. Hence I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my writing. For example I have read more times then I can count in writing post and blogs and articles on writing, one of the worst mistakes a writer can make is to go back and reread what they have written before they finish their first draft. I can’t seem to stop my self, I can’t just sit and write and write until its all done. So I have realized I have caused my self to get stuck and start over on my novels again and agin. However what can I do about it, other than do my best not to go back and read. I feel like I have to go back and make sure I am on track and I haven’t made some huge mistake. Is there any other writers that have had this problem? I could use some ideas, I am so tiered of getting stuck. I even scraped all but my prologue for Helix and started over, completely changed some important parts Of Celestria so that now the story is completely different then when I started. I know this must be common, I can’t possibly be the only one who has had these problems when working on their first few WIPs. I don’t want to sound like I am complaining, I just know a more experienced writer may know how to get past this type of block.

Happy writing to all 🙂

Just read: My Thoughts on How I Wrote My First Person Novel with My Fingers on My Keyboard

Standard

I read this post thinking “hay I couldn’t have done to bad on first person POV”, but as a writer I feel I can’t learn to much. By the time I was done reading I realized I had made more mistakes then I thought, good to know and now I can watch my self for those mistakes! Hope you read it, its a grate post to say the least.

My Thoughts on How I Wrote My First Person Novel with My Fingers on My Keyboard.

My computor is calling

Standard

For some time now I have been working on a second novel, Celestria A New Home, while I put Helix on Ice. I had gotten frustrated with Helix, so I felt taking a break and working on something else would help. I must be right because the past few days I have had a hard time with Celestria, then this morning I could feel Helix calling me. “Come work on me again.” it said, and the drive to do so is there. I got on to write and found I had some files to sort through first. I had lost some of my work do to my last laptop dying, but I think I found all I need to start again. So today will be a good day to write. This post may be short, but I am off the answer the call of my computer.